Okay, we’re going to present a couple facts that will probably anger you, but they need to be introduced in order to report this story. 1) Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi was asked to speak at Rutgers University. 2) Over 2,000 students attended the lecture. 3) She was paid $32,000 by the state-funded institution for her appearance. 4) That’s $2,000 more than Rutgers will pay Nobel Laureate Toni Morrison to speak at graduation. Okay, now that those are out of the way, we can relay the news that, because of the Snooki controversy, Jersey State Senator Joe Kyrillos is trying to “sponsor legislation that will allow students to opt into or out of campus events requiring a fee,” the Post reports.
Kyrillos insists that “students should not be required to fund entertainment they find objectionable through mandatory fees.” With all due respect, Snooki’s speech was not purely for entertainment. She offered invaluable bits of advice like, “Study hard but party harder.” Maybe you’d drop that “state” prefix if you followed her lead, State Senator Kyrillos.
The legislation is a nice gesture, but Snooki’s damage has been done. Parents were outraged, like Nester Delgado who told the Post, “It’s disgusting. Next year, is it going to be Jwoww or The Situation?”
Don’t be ridiculous, Mr. Delgado. JWoww is busy with her fellowship at Fermilab and The Situation will be in Paris helping NATO forces draft a resolution for the Libya conflict. Ronnie’s available, though!
In other Snooki news, MTV announced she will be starring in her own spin-off. Time will tell whether it will be a high-flying success like Maude or a ratings-dud like Joey, but one thing’s for sure: We’re more fucked than the ancient Romans ever were.