Yes, I got press seats for Joaquin Phoenix — I mean Charlie Sheen‘s “I’m mad as hell” tour at Radio City tonight and found a pretty smooth, way more streamlined 75 minutes than the previous trainwrecks reportedly were.
Except for three video segments, it consisted of Charlie being interviewed by ex VJ Simon Rex, with pop-ins from obviously planted random audience members, a celeb or two, and some obligatory whores.
Charlie’s more memorable comments from the show included this statement about Ozzy Osborne: “That guy’s radical, but stop talking! Sing!”
When Actor’s Studio interrogator James Lipton came onstage and asked Charlie his favorite curse word, he replied: “It’s either ‘fuck’ or ‘Denise.’ ”
That later reminded him that “I couldn’t find in marriage what I found now — two girls!”
And as for ex co-star Jon Cryer:
“Not a fucking troll. An absolute rock star!”
Huh? Charlie’s kissing primetime ass now? Yes because, it turns out that after going on a reckless campaign to tamper with his job, Charlie desperately wants it back.
In fact, he begged the audience to write letters getting it back for him!
Though he admits he got tired of lying to reporters and saying everything was cool with the show, he now resents being dumped simply because “I was having too much fun.”
The crowd cheered (except for two hecklers), obviously not caring that “too much fun” involved putting a knife to his wife’s throat, wrecking a hotel suite, and making Jew remarks.
Ah, well. Mixed messages are part of Charlie’s shtick. And this crowd didn’t revolt, especially one person who was extra thrilled: Charlie himself.
“If this isn’t winning,” he beamed onstage, “I don’t know what is!”
Looney tuney? Yeah, but I wasn’t unamused, especially for free.
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on April 10, 2011