Winklevii Row Out of Court Losers; Zuckerberg Wins Again


It’s a sad day for millionaire identical twin Olympians everywhere: Forbes reports a federal appeals court has ordered Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss to accept their $65 million settlement with Facebook. That means no more suing Mark Zuckerberg. This is the part of the post where we are legally obliged to include a Facebook allusion, so let’s try, “Judge Alex Kozinski doesn’t accept the Winklevoss’ friend request.”

The twins’ appeal alleged that Facebook had misled them and overvalued shares in the settlement. On Monday, the federal appeals court decided the twins had appropriate guidance during the initial deal-making and that enough is enough. Cue Judge Kozinski:

“The Winklevosses are not the first parties bested by a competitor who then seek to gain through litigation what they were unable to achieve in the marketplace. And the courts might have obliged, had the Winklevosses not settled their dispute and signed a release of all claims against Facebook. For whatever reason, they [the Winklevosses] now want to back out. Like the district court, we see no basis for allowing them to do so. At some point, litigation must come to an end. That point has now been reached.”

Cheer up, Winklevii! You’re still rich and tall, which everybody knows is two-thirds of the way toward being happy (the third factor is spending at least 20 minutes per day at a dog park while drunk).

As a consolation for your loss, we’ve cooked up some Internet start-up ideas that you are allowed to steal from us:

  • Cat dating website: We’ve already thought of a dog dating website, but we’ll let you have cats
  • Mad Men Avatar Un-doer: So you can see how ugly people who use cartoons of themselves as Mad Men characters really are
  • ClueTube: A website that offers only clips from the 1985 film adaptation of the board game Clue
  • Twitter Mach 2: Like Twitter, but you are allowed to write 141 characters
  • The Bible: Is there an online version yet?
  • The world’s only instructional cartwheel website

Facebook foes lose appeal [Forbes]

This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on April 11, 2011

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