Earth Day has the misfortune of landing on Good Friday this year, but that’s not going to take away any attention from what this day’s all about: hot, sexy trees. We’ve compiled a list of the country’s sexiest, and they’re sure to get your heart pounding. If you’re at work, make sure your boss isn’t around; the action gets really steamy after the jump.
Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall, the Fir Tree is always up for a good time. Sure, they may never shed their needle-like leaves; that’s just because they love to make you use your imagination.
Elms are deciduous and semi-deciduous. You heard us right; they’re two-way freaks. With apetalous perfect flowers like these, it’s no wonder why elms are some of the most ubiquitous and (needless to say) sexy trees in the country.
Did someone say, “fun in the sun?” Put on some tanning oil, grab a Corona, and nestle under these flowering Arecales. They may not shade you completely from the hot sun, but who cares? This is one sexy tree.
Spirally arranged leaves, dense bark, and acorns that just won’t quit. Oak trees are sturdy enough to make you feel safe, but don’t be fooled: Oaks have a wild side.
Birches truly are the tree next door (especially if you live in a temperate climate). Beneath those hanging, doubly serrate leaves lies a naughty tree just aching to get out.
Go take a walk to cool yourself off on this wonderful afternoon. Enjoy your Earth Day safely, Dutch Elm is a killer.
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on April 22, 2011