Two New Lonely Island Songs Enter, Only One Leaves


The Lonely Island, they of “Jizz In My Pants” and “I’m On A Boat” (and Saturday Night Live) fame, release Turtleneck and Chain next week. Two guest-star-assisted songs have hit the internet in the past few days: “Turtleneck and Chain” (featuring Snoop Dogg) and “Attracted To Us” (featuring Beck). Both songs are just fine on their own, but we’ve decided to declare, once and for all, which of the two is the best Lonely Island song to surface this week. (Turtleneck and chain sold separately.)

“Turtleneck and Chain”
GUEST STAR: Snoop Dogg
SOUNDS LIKE: A Lonely Island track, if it was produced by the child of Daft Punk and Lil Wayne.
FUNNIEST MOMENT: Snoop’s sign-off line: “The bigger the turtleneck/ the more gangster it is.”
FINAL SCORE: 4 out of 5 boats.

“Attracted To Us”
SOUNDS LIKE: A parody of a Beck song, mixed with Louis XIV’s “Finding Out True Love Is Blind”.
FUNNIEST MOMENT: The way the guys channel Animal Collective for the last “we are shy” refrain.
FINAL SCORE: 3 out of 5 boats.

WINNER: “Turtleneck and Chain”! The reason that Lonely Island succeeds as a musical entity is that they’re often hilariously simplistic in their verses, and the title track is no exception: “And my beer so light, you can see right through it like a ghost/ …and I also wear turtlenecks!” Silly, sure, but “Jizz In My Pants” wasn’t a crowning achievement in lyrical genius eihter. Snoop manages to push this track over the top by stealing the show from boys in LI. Here’s hoping for a music video that has him rocking a fly turtleneck… and a thin chain. Why not?