Dear Ladies: Please Stop ‘Storing’ Things in Your Vaginas!


We do hate to be graphic, but in this case it seems necessary. This is the second time in less than two days (and the third time in just over two months) that we’ve heard of a woman being arrested who had something inappropriate, even illegal, hidden away in that very personal body cavity of hers. Stop doing this! It’s not a good idea! We hardly need to explain why, but, after the jump, we list the recent offenders. Note: They all got caught.

May 3, Pompano Beach, Florida: Authorities arrested a woman “who was concealing a fraudulent credit card and a counterfeit driver’s license in her vagina.” She also had more than $5,000 worth of products purchased with that credit card in her car, which makes us wonder…Was she planning to use it again?

May 3, Fort Meyers, Florida: (Yes, again Florida): Cops responded to a report of Gloria Esther Perez, 25, fighting with another woman. When approached by the officer, Perez and the other woman, Whitney Noelle Krimmel, 28, were “very cooperative,” but became quickly rather “nervous” and “fidgety.” Perez was searched and found to be hiding prescription pills, then claimed she was ill and was taken to a hospital.

Once there, it was discovered she was concealing two knives. One was tucked within the folds of her fat while the other was “hidden in her vagina.”

And don’t forget:

March 17, Scranton, Pennsylvania: “Police detained Karin Mackaliunas, suspected of burglarizing the Dunmore Inn, after she crashed her car on Sunday. They found three bags of heroin in her jacket. On the way to police HQ, they noticed her “fidgeting in the backseat of the cruiser.”

A search of Ms. Mackaliunas by a doctor at Community Medical Center turned up 54 bags of heroin, 31 empty bags used to package heroin, 8.5 prescription pills and $51.22 [in her vagina].

Two words: Change. Purse.