Mike Bloomberg: Alternate Side Parking Will Be Suspended if the World Ends


Whether you’re sucked up to heaven or not tomorrow, Mayor Bloomberg has your back. Today, he announced that “If the world ends tomorrow, alternate side parking will be suspended.” Also! “I don’t think you have to worry about returning library books or parking tickets,” he told John Gambling on his weekly radio show. Bloomberg himself will be in Oklahoma, giving a speech, but feels that the world won’t end tomorrow anyway because “It can’t end until at least the Knicks win a championship again … so we got a long time.”

In related end-of-world news, the official Rapture start time is said to be 5:59 p.m. on Saturday, at which point an earthquake “will engulf the whole world,” with fire to “consume the universe” five months later on October 21. Which means you have five months to party if you don’t get sucked up to heaven straightaway! This is why you should stock up on the necessities, like booze and Doritos.

Mayor Bloomberg, ever the optimist, says if Apocalypse happens, alternate side parking suspended [NYDN]
May 21, 2011 update: Staten Island prophet of doom says he expects to be in heaven for tomorrow’s ‘end of the world’ [The Advance]