The Rapture Didn’t Happen…Yet


Hey, where’s Jesus at? Are the holy people going up to heaven right now, and if so, is it too late to get in on that? It’s looking like…well, maybe it’s too early to say, but it seems as though the world is not in fact ending right now. Maybe I’m jumping the gun and I’m about to get pwned with the other nonbelievers. Is anyone experiencing earthquakes right now? Have you seen holy people being raptured up into heaven? Any “plagues, quakes, wars, famine and general torment”?

If any of you are walking around today and see clutches of crazy people waiting in vain for Jesus, please, please send photos. We’ll update if the apocalypse happens.

UPDATE 11:10 a.m.: So…there was an earthquake in the South Sandwich Islands, apparently. As Gothamist puts it, “Are these earthquakes Rapture-related, or can we keep making smug jokes?” For now I’m sticking with smug jokes.

Related: kudos to the Daily News. They’re milking the apocalypse for all it’s worth.