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Going out to eat should be enjoyable. And for the most part it is. But beyond the matters of food and service, so much of the dining experience can be based upon whom you’re sitting near. And these are the five types of people you definitely don’t want to be seated near.
Loud and Sloppy Eaters: Sorry, soup slurpers and dribblers, loud chewers, and garglers of the world. It’s really hard to enjoy a meal in peace when it sounds like you’ve got a mild case of the flu.
PDA-philes: It is uncomfortable to see you making out, and it is even more uncomfortable when you reach up your girlfriend’s skirt under the table for everyone to see. That napkin really isn’t hiding much of anything. Please, please, please leave the sexploits to the bedroom. Food + sex = skeevy.
Drunk People: The fact of life is that drunk people are, for the most part, too vocal and obnoxious. If you’re doing any of the following, you shouldn’t be at a restaurant, but home in bed: slurring your words rudely to your waiter (and you are being rude, you just don’t realize it), knocking over glasses, and falling out of chairs. Also, that’s why God created bars.
Parents of Babies and Toddlers: Understandably, sitters are expensive and it’s hard to control your kids outside of the home. But you know what, that’s why you should leave them at home! Your baby might be cute, but no one thinks he’s as adorable as you do, especially when he begins to cry or climb onto the next table. And if you let your kid cry, we actually hate you a lot more than the kid. He at least can’t help himself. But you can — by putting down your cocktail and heading home.
Sorority Sisters/Bachelorette Parties: Welcome to the Sisterhood of the Raging Estrogen. We’re all sooooo excited for sisterhood and girl power. But do you really need to shriek and giggle octaves above everyone else? Do you have to giggle nonstop? Do you have to take 10,000 photos of you goofily smiling? At least turn the flash off! (Same applies for baby shower, only substitute cooing for shrieking.)
OK, who are we kidding? These aren’t the most annoying people to encounter in a restaurant. These are the most annoying people in any social situation!
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