If you’re one of those sorts who snubs religion’s “true believers,” you should really take a listen to this: A Long Island man, Sal Bentivegna, prayed for his mom, Gloria, to hit the jackpot. The very next day, she won $1 million in the lottery. Hence God exists, and he likes to reward his believers with money in real life. For future lotto participants, here’s how it goes. First, your wayward son should mock you for your religion. You should pray for him to accept God into his heart. The day after Easter, the two of you should head to Atlantic City, and there, you will convince him to pray for you to win a million dollars.
(The New York Post reports that a good choice of words might be: “God, I don’t know if you’re real or not, but if you are there, please let my mother win a million dollars.” We’re sure ad-libbing is cool based on your personal situation.)
Nothing will happen immediately! But don’t lose faith.
The day after, you will go to a charity auction at a local Lutheran church, buy a bunch of scratch tickets, and win $50,000 a year for 20 years. Your son will accept God back into his heart. Your lives will be changed forever. Via the Post:
“Lo and behold, she gets it the next day,” Sal said. “I sat back and thought about it and realized the odds against this are astronomical. I can’t shrug off that Jesus had a hand in it. No pun intended, it was a Godsend.”
“God performed two miracles, a true miracle!” a tearful Gloria Bentivegna declared yesterday, clutching her $1 million check from the New York Lottery.
JEEEEEESUS jackpot! Amen.