Food

Realistic Hamburger Hat and Seven Other Useless Gifts Aimed at Foodies

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What happens when the hamburger on your hat looks much better than the hamburger you’re eating?

Predictably, East Village favorite gift and T-shirt store Alphabets (115 Avenue A, 212-475-7250) has been accumulating food-themed gag gifts over the last couple of years. But do you really want to give one of these to your foodie friends, who’d probably prefer a paring knife or handsome pot holder?

As a replacement for the conventional stress ball, the stress wiener doesn’t have much to offer except the chance of getting arrested on the subway if you’re seen squeezing it.

Why is the cupcake wearing an eye patch? Just wonderin’.

Meet the Lamer family. They bought the platter — even though it doesn’t look very much like bacon — and now they’re serving bacon on it. Who serves bacon on a platter?

For the narcissist who wants everybody to look at him in the restaurant, or the diner too lazy to twist the spaghetti up before eating it. Why not just cut it instead?
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What an awful thing to spring on your OkCupid date the next morning: Serve up some toast burning with the image of the Virgin. No, quite literally burning. Next: Admit you’re a priest who has violated the vow of chastity, then hang your head and start sobbing.

How about a hot-dog purse or a cheeseburger wallet?

Why does Mr. Bacon look like a psychopathic strangler trying to do the Twist?