Gay Marriage Will Further Oppress Me!


Oh, don’t worry, I’m in favor of it.

It’s extremely important we get this in New York so we can have equality in that area and also stick it to the Republicans!

But there’s a sense in which gay marriage will add to the oppression of my sad little life.

You see, I’ve never been a relationship person.

It’s hard for someone as rarefied (and bizarre) as myself to find a mate, as you can well imagine, and besides, whenever I do find one, I tend to ward him off with fiery batons, conviced I’d be better off alone.

But in the gay community, I didn’t mind being single since I felt connected to my brethren and sistren.

People didn’t ask any questions like “Why are you alone?” because they just knew you were gay and having fun and that seemed like a perfectly reasonable option.

But now — if all goes well — all the gays are gonna go and get married and create families and no longer will I be able to use “I’m gay” as the reason for being a bachelor.

Having long known what it was like to be the outcast in the mainstream community, I’m also going to get a taste of being the outcast in the gay community.

Plus I’m going to have to buy a lot of blenders!