Normally a quiet neighborhood full of mothers and small children, Park Slope was shaken up on Monday when a nutjob admitted online that he’s been poisoning pigeons in JJ Byrne Park. Under the username Pyrrhic Victory the killer wrote extensively about his tactics for avian genocide and then requested that other Park Slope residents pressure bird feeders to quit inviting the pests into their neighborhood. His only motivation for killing the pigeons seems to be that they poop on his car and his stoop. Imagine if the residents of St. Marks poisoned their stoop pooper.
In a second post yesterday, the pigeon killer informed his disgusted audience that he poisons the pigeons by spreading Tres Pasitos among the bread crumbs in the park. The New York Observer points out that Tres Pasitos is not only illegal, but was responsible for the deaths of two adults and one child in 2006. As the pigeon poisoner’s username suggests, he is prepared to make sacrifices in the name of the greater good: keeping his stoop shit-free.
Here’s the killer’s first post:
Hello my fellow residents of Park Slope,
it is with heavy heart that I have to resort to coming onto a forum to voice my opinion. I have lived in this wonderful neighborhood for over 25 years and I have seen it change drastically in that time. While some would say it has changed for the worse I say it has changed for the better. My only gripe is with the people who seem hell bent on trying to erase their life’s sins by feeding the nasty population of pigeons at JJ Bryne Park. I have tried man many times but to no avail to try and talk to these individuals but they refuse to stop feeding these winged rodents. I explained to them that they carry vile diseases but this notion does not seem to sink in. Frankly, I grow tired of cleaning bird poop off my stoop where there is a tree where upon these vile creatures have set up shop. I don’t even dare park my car under this tree unless I want it to be encrusted with bird fecal matter. Sadly I and a few other residents have taken it upon ourselves to try and control the pigeon population by sprinkling rat poison in the park where the bird feeders usually spread their bread banquet. We hope to use the very bird feeders to dispense our poison. We understand the dangers of this tactic but we are willing to accept the collateral damage to the surrounding innocent wildlife. It is after all for the greater good. My neighbor Mike has also implemented a way to get rid of the pigeons from the trees by our building. He basically has constructed a few bird feeders that would hang from the trees that would dispense water laced with anti freeze. The results have been quite remarkable. Although the pigeon numbers are decreasing we need to put pressure on the pigeon feeders to stop what their doing before the pigeon population explodes once again and we return back to square one.
I reach out to my fellow Park Slope residents and implore them to please stop feeding the birds until we can put a dent in the pigeon populace.
And here’s his loony follow-up:
What is wrong with me? Nothing! A better question is what is wrong with the people feeding these rats with wings. Do you think anyone wants to live in close proximity of these nasty creatures. I have been sprinkling poison among the bread crumbs for years and no one has ever said anything about it. My intentions is to rid the park of these winged rats in a humane manner. Even the poison I use is basically designed to kill the birds slowly so they actually die elsewhere. The poison is called “Tres Pasitos” and as my nanny told me it is designed to kill the rats where they sleep. One can buy the poison on the internet in bulk for a reasonable price. In this case I am using it on the fowl population hence the reason there are no bird corpses in the area. These birds usually die in their nests silently and humanely. No child need be traumatized by finding a dead bird.