OMGEEZE ANOTHER ROYAL WEDDING. Okay, so this one isn’t quite as engrossing as the Kate and Wills hoopla in April, but there are reasons to get excited about the upcoming nuptials of Prince Albert II and South African former Olympic swimmer Charlene Wittstock. There are two ceremonies, one civil today and another religious tomorrow. Double your pleasure, double your fun! Let’s break this princely affair down.
2. Bastard children. Albert has two of them. One with an airline “hostess” and another with a “tourist” from California. And there are tabloid grumblings that there might be a third!
3. Runaway bride rumors. The phrase makes us think without fail about Julia Roberts and Richard Gere, but here we have talk of a real-life altar dump that does not in any way involve movie stars or Hugh Hefner. The palace is, as is to be expected, shutting down the story.
4. A Pippa Middleton. Apparently Albert’s 24-year-old niece, Charlotte Casiraghi, is supposed to be the superlative Pippa of this affair. Are all weddings required to have Pippas now? Is Charlotte’s ass up to the challenge?
5. The Eagles (?). The wedding festivities began with a public Eagles concert. “Desperado” is probably an appropriate song for this couple. Maybe “Hotel California” is too (see #2).
In other Monaco-related news Manohla Dargis called Monte Carlo, starring Selena Gomez, “at times awkwardly charming and generally innocuous.”