As if you didn’t have enough to worry about in life, your TSA pat-downs are about to get even more intimate after new intelligence has revealed that terrorists once again want to put bombs in their own bodies so as to ruin all of our fun this summer. Assholes. Thus, you may expect closer pat-downs, stricter security, more annoying lines, and all the related sturm und drang — suntan lotion should not be over 3.4 ounces! — as you await travel away from the tri-state area. There’s no specific plot, but, via NBC New York, you must expect the unexpected.
“These measures are designed to be unpredictable, so passengers should not expect to see the same activity at every international airport,” the TSA said. “Measures may include interaction with passengers, in addition to the use of other screening methods such as pat-downs and the use of enhanced tools and technologies.”
We’re used to expecting the unexpected, of course, but one has to wonder precisely how intensive (and unexpected) a pat-down must be to detect a bomb inside one’s body. Also, we hear that surgically implanted bomb scars can detract from the bikini-readiest of bikini bodies. But that’s another sort of terror altogether, isn’t it?
If you see something, say something.
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on July 6, 2011