[Insert obligatory “And you get an Oscar! And you! And you!” joke.] Oprah Winfrey, ruler of Earth, is rumored to be a candidate to host next year’s Academy Awards, although nothing is official at this stage in the game. Look, anything beats Franco and Hathaway. At the Oprah Oscars, winners won’t just receive a statuette, but also a trip to Australia. Actually, everyone will get a trip to Austraaaaaaliaaaa, plus a new stove. Under your seats you’ll find artisanal cupcakes. The Academy is downplaying the rumors, which means absolutely nothing.
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