In other words, I wasn’t terribly fond of the experience.
The five counter-classics are:
I wanted to write a letter to the screen saying, “Make this drippy romance stop!!!”
*The Tree of Wooden Clogs
A slow, placid, impenetrable foreign film about peasants, this won raves from the patronizingly pretentious. I usually don’t advocate the cutting down of trees, but in this case, I was rooting for the buzz saw!
This sweeping imitation of Short Cuts was hardly without merit, but as its 188 minutes droned on, I wasn’t sure I’d ever get out of there alive. When Tom Cruise got raves for a barely inspired supporting turn, I knew people had gone daft from sitting there that long.
*I Hate Valentine’s Day
I hate to pile it onto Nia Vardalos after the failure of Larry Crowne, which she co-wrote, but this one was vile — clichéd, unfunny, and slow, and she smiled in every single frame!
*Everything Must Go
This one got mystifyingly good reviews, but Will Ferrell couldn’t quite pull off the story of a dumped guy living on his lawn, especially since the direction was slack and the whole thing felt as bargain-basement as the belongings he was selling.