When Apocalypse Cakes by Shannon O’Malley landed on our desks, we were somewhat perplexed. Does a market exist for cakes about the end of the world (China World Domination Red Bean Cake, Raining Blood Red Velvet Cake, Global Warming Hot Apple Pie)? Perhaps not, but we were intrigued by the instruction “when you look up from your cake-smeared cakehole, the sky will fade ablack … eat now, little heathens: there are no cakes in the apocalypse.” So true! One must eat cake all the time! And since it’s Wedding Week, what better cake to highlight than the book’s Gay Wedding Cake.
Gay Wedding Cake (recipe from the Apocalypse Cake‘s website)
Cake stolen from straight wedding
Mini-leather daddies (this is what all gays look like underneath their clothes)
Go to a straight wedding. When everyone is drunk playing that sexy garter-belt game go steal the cake, being careful not to lose the little hetero-figures on the top. Bring the cake home and put some gay dolls on it — the more your dolls look like the people Focus on the Family are afraid of, the better — and ceremoniously remove the straight figurines from their rightful place. All the people who see your cake will shake their heads and wonder where the poor breeders went. Then they’ll think, “those wholesome man and wife dolls have been deprived of the life God intended for them.”*
*Obviously, Apocalypse Cakes is a satirical text (and can verge on inappropriate at times — err, Seismic Haitian Mud Cake, which actually calls for mud). But if you like your sweets with a side of sass, this one’s for you.
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