Being a good host requires generosity and warmth, and if you don’t have those qualities, you shouldn’t have invited people to fucking stay with you!
The five worst hosts are the people who …
(5) Have no food prepared whatsoever — or if they do, they sit down to a lovely spread of it and don’t invite you to join in!
(4) Lecture you on every little thing: “You left your sneakers by the pool. And by the way, don’t ever leave that sliding door over there open or bugs can get in!”
You feel like you’ve found a new set of parents.
(3) Openly fight with their spouse — or whomever — right in front of you, almost enjoying the audience.
You feel all too privy to someone’s private psychodrama, and it’s way TMI.
You run to your room to read a book, and they follow, screaming!
(2) Keep hinting for you to leave.
You’re supposed to stay all weekend, but by Saturday morning they’re already telling you the train schedule back to the city.
Not very welcoming.
(1) Leave you stranded in the house without warning.
This actually happened to me once in L.A. and I couldn’t leave because I had no idea where I was or how to get out, and besides, I was afraid to leave the door unlocked.
Ever since then, I’ve stayed in hotels.
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on July 26, 2011