Boobs Will Be Removed from the Meatpacking District


In the Meatpacking District, a place rife with boobs, the most innocent of those boobs will, come fall, no longer be available to ogle. Of course, more likely, drunk people were not ogling them but instead catching their stilettos in cobblestones and falling on them, because those boobs were simply stone street barriers in the various random pedestrian plazas, and you’d really have to squint your eyes (or be very, very drunk) to make anything more than a little bit booblike out of them. Especially when real boobs abound! (These street boobs look more like eyeballs to us, or perhaps a tasty profiterole dessert.) In any case, the offensive boob-or-eyeball-like-yummy-blobs will be removed, reports the Daily News, because this is internationally important news. This de-boobification, and the project to overhaul the area, will cost $500,000. Consider it a boob job. Har.

This important, really, because, as Gaslight Lounge bar owner Matt DeMatt, who must be more of a butt guy, told the New York Post, “They’re the breasts. They just sit out there and do nothing.”

Blame this newfound concrete-boob hatred on the Highline, which has allowed more people than ever to see the boobs and think about how they resemble boobs, and that’s not okay for the children, when those very people could just turn around and see real boobs in all the glass-walled apartment buildings right next door, or even in the Highline’s verdant grasses. (Don’t tell.) Also, blame it on the people of the Meatpacking District, because we blame them for everything anyway.

The boobs will be replaced with white cones, which can’t possibly look like anything anatomical, no sirree Bob.

Breast-shaped blockades to be removed from Meatpacking District to save locals’ blushes [Daily Mail]