11 Things You Really Must Do Before the Summer Is Over


Today is pretty much perfect, a day that reminds us how much we adore summer. Back in June we gave you 33 reasons to love the year’s three hottest months, through all the sweat and toil and pain. It seems like barely a minute has passed and yet, here we are, practically mid-August! What the fuck happened? Now is the time to take stock, people. Have you done everything you wanted to this summer? Have you done anything you wanted to this sommer? Whether you’ve got it covered quite nicely or you’re feeling like you need a do-over, we have some suggestions. Here are 11 things you really should accomplish before it’s October and we’re wearing sweaters (sweaters?) and getting out of work in the dark again.


11. Eat a lobster roll. Do it outside, on a bench or in a park or at the beach, with some lemonade or maybe a root beer, and salt and vinegar potato chips. Or do it in the garden of a mid-scale dining establishment, with a crisp white wine and some really good french fries. The point is, do it. As many times as possible before there’s snow on the ground and the only lobster you’ll be eating will be in a pot pie and will be chicken.

10. Be a tourist (the fanny-pack-free kind) for the day. Call in sick on, like, a Wednesday — not that we would ever do this — and wander around the city. Maybe go out to Coney Island, or up in the Statue of Liberty (it’s closing for a year), or to a museum, or just wander, for the day. Do it now, in August, the month that America really should go on vacation…or forever hold your peace.

9. Have a torrid makeout with someone (who is not John Travolta), and never speak to him or her again if you feel like it, because come September, we’re gonna get serious about shit.

8. Go without deodorant for one day. Just to see. Got that out of your system?

7. Get out of the city. Do it, at least once, even if you think you don’t need to (Self: We’re looking at you). This is not to say go to the Hamptons, necessarily. But leave the confines of the 5 boroughs and breathe air and see green things and just get out of the city. You will be different when you come back, somehow, refreshed, and ready to take on the fall.

6. Immerse yourself fully in some water. Do it in public view. This means, unless you have an outdoor shower with a peephole, that you should get yourself to a beach, pool, swimming hole, sprinkler, open fire hydrant, or a Slip N’ Slide right quick. Forget about what the dermatologist says; this is your last chance. Don’t forget completely: Bring SPF!

5. Sit outside at one of the city’s many fine pop-up al-fresco establishments, or even on your own fire escape, or a friend’s, and sip something and/or smoke and watch all the people — old ladies on scooters! Stinky hipsters! That guy you made out with earlier in the summer! Philip Glass! — go by. This is far better than Castle reruns.

4. Go nuts on someone in public. That car cut you off? That pedestrian bump right into you, on purpose? That very rude man fail to hold the door for you when you were leaving the coffeeshop holding two very large ice coffees (Note: drink ice coffee!)? Use this moment in time to tell them so. Shoot your best bird, tell a stranger they are rude, show the world you are not going to take it! There is a certain amount of rage allowable in summer that is not so upon winter’s chill. Recommended: Do this when the person can’t actually retaliate.

3. Wear something really terrible. Put on those cut-off jorts and prance around like there’s no stopping you! Try a turban! Buy some jelly shoes! What do we think about midriff-baring? We love midriff-baring! Rock that farmer’s tan! But only in August, and only with your hair in a banana clip.

2. Man or woman, animal, vegetable, or mineral: Drink some fucking rosé.

1. As you savor your last Pop-Ice (or, if like us, you have many since they took so long to freeze and who thinks about that stuff ahead of time?), think of all the fun stuff you already did this summer, and feel nostalgic about how it all goes so fast these days, and kids aren’t even kids anymore, except, of course, that summer is the time in our adult lives that we actually can feel like kids again, a little bit. Finish your popsicle and go outside and ask someone if they can play before it gets dark out and Mom makes you come in and wash up for dinner. Lobster rolls, again?

For those of you summer naysayers, here’s something nice:

Thing Number 12, from our friends at Sound of the City!