Good morning. With your coffee, here’s a classic What Not to Do! Do not…get on a plane and consume “eight alcoholic beverages.” We’re all for drinking while flying — riding, not driving — for the nerve-soothing purposes, but even on a flight from Portland, Oregon to New York City, eight is a bit…much. (If we are telling you that, you know it’s true.)
Then! Do not wait to use the restroom. It will likely be occupied. Go as soon as you have the urge. But do not go until you are safely esconced in a lavatory. Do not go, for instance, after you’ve stumbled about a bit and ended up five rows in front of your seat, next to an 11-year-old girl who might or might not be sleeping.
And then, do not pee on her leg.
For as sure as we’re right here behind your computer screen, you will quickly be busted by her father, who will not be happy. In fact, he will want to beat you senseless.
According to a person who saw this whole thing actually happen, reports the New York Post,
“I woke up to this man yelling and literally looking like he was about to punch this kid in the face,” said the witness, who asked not to be identified.
“The father was screaming, ‘F – – k that kid! I don’t want him near my family!’ ” the passenger said.
When you respond to the tune of, “I was drunk, and I did not realize I was pissing on her leg,” matters will not much be helped. You will be arrested when the plane lands. All for something really quite preventable.
Take a lesson from this, Robert Vietze, 18-year-old Vermont man, heavy plane drinker, indecent exposer, pee-apologist. Take a lesson.
Later, someone puked on the very same plane. Flying is the worst.
Read more about the man who peed: Robert ‘Sandy’ Vietze, Guy Who Peed on Girl During JetBlue Flight, Was an Olympic Hopeful
Creep in jet stream [NYP]