Should you not know, now you do: A “Hamptons house ho” is a young lady of perhaps working-class means who escapes her dull workaday life and embarks on a jaunt to Long Island’s narrow beach-dappled sections during the months in which sun shines down on all of us, swapping her white Reebok high-tops for a pair of borrowed pumps with a Sharpie-drawn scarlet sole, and attracting a man from the upper echelons of a society she dares to enter. As you may have read in your favorite Jane Austen novel, this not terribly goodly woman will exchange favors of a bodily sort for getting to stay in a mansion, and the kind of mansion she chooses designates the kind of woman she is. The New York Post has interviewed a few guys who are profiting advantageously from this situation. They are very open-minded!
Said one of them,
“I’ve had girls who’d take the bus over and linger around, then have sex with anyone who had a house,” says [Cass] Almendral, the 50-year-old managing director of the Wall Street Solutions Group Inc.
“They weren’t hookers. They got by through the kindness of strangers . . . they see the Hamptons as an adventure that’s also a safe, luxurious experience.”
Sounds like a great pitch from a Hamptons House John, who may or may not have crabs.
But the wise Patti Stanger, matchmaker for Hamptons House Hos and Hamptons House Johns, lays it down for us. This form of wealth-influenced prostitution is because of the economy! And, it’s really quite okay, because there is no other option.
“I think this is becoming more common because the wealthy who tend to own these big houses are ruling the market right now,” says Bravo’s “Millionaire Matchmaker,” Patti Stanger.
“And there are no hotels in the Hamptons. You have no choices.”
We’ve come a long way, Hamptons House Baby. ‘Cause when the guys are rich, they don’t call it prostitution. Unless they’re in politics.