New York

Vote Republican Any Chance You Get!

by

Do it this November and especially next November.

It will prove to be the most delightful thing you could possibly do to amp up your excitement level.

Think of all the fun we’ll have in the concentration camps!

Oh, sure, that kind of lockup sounds vaguely unappealing, but there’s definitely a bright side.

It’ll be the flashiest crowd since Studio 54!

Some people haven’t gone out in years, leaving a gaping void in the nightlife, but in the camps, anyone remotely creative and edgy will be forced to be there, resulting in a communal bonding experience and a cultural explosion like we haven’t had in decades.

And we could put on some great shows on the sly. With lots of choreography. Cabaret! The Producers! Boys in the Band! Kiss of the Spider Woman!

And think of all the tricks we could play to outsmart our captors. Our lives would surely turn into one long episode of Hogan’s Heroes, but with way more laughs.

Then we can escape, don some ape masks, and hold them captive.

Oh, please, vote Republican!

I just want the glorious chance to make a shit pie for Michele Bachmann.