Hi guys! This week instead of awarding you for your smartest or most well-said or snarkiest comments, not that you don’t have plenty of those, we’re giving a shout-out to the comments that made us laugh for whatever silly reason — their inexplicable quality, their bizarreness, their semantical tenacity, or their clear bot-ness. If any of these are yours, contact Francesca Stabile, and she will give you a really great (seriously, it’s soft and comfy and washes well) Village Voice T-shirt, and you can wear it and say you made the Runnin’ Scared team (or, at least, me, because I got to guest-select these comments today) giggle and maybe even snort out their Diet Coke once or twice, and that is something to be said, even if I’m punch-drunk on a Friday. So, here goes.
5. This list wouldn’t be complete without acknowledging the words from VJMachiavelli, commenting on Marty Markowitz: Apple “Won’t Reach the Big Time” Till It Opens a Store in Brooklyn,
Marty Brooklyn will have an Apple store as soon as Apple decides which part of Brooklyn is “HIP” Williamsburg, Park Slope, Bay Ridge but not DownTown Brooklyn, there is no Apple store in Down Town Manhattan either.
Before there was the “Oracle at Delphi” there was Count Vampire J. MachiavelliVJ MachiavelliThe Legislative Budget is Too Damn High
To us, that is T-shirt worthy.
4. Badmother, commenting on Inside the 96-Square-Foot Former Apartment of Luke Clark Tyler:
Okay so this one does have a kitchen. But where’s the bathroom? No bathroom still makes this an SRO, not an apartment.
For your conviction on this linguistic matter, we will award you a T-shirt.
3. On Guy Accidentally Carjacks Poodle, Kids, Mirele writes,
“This sounds like a 21st century version of the O Henry short story ‘The Ransom of Red Chief.'”
TRUE. That story was funny.
2. Cranky adds, in an image-rendering comment to How to Use an Umbrella in New York City: The Definitive Guide:
“Don’t: come to a dead stop halfway up the subway stairs to open your umbrella, while the line of people behind you stumble into you or fall down the stairs. your precious little head can stand a few drops of water.”
1. In response to Have You Seen the G-Train Lothario Who Feels Up Other Women After His Girlfriend Leaves? thank you, Reader, for pointing out that it wasn’t a G Train in the image, and thank you, Laney Bizzle, for saying this.
“Thank you for seeing through this BS. One of the best comments I’ve read on this site since it started.”
What that means, we have not even the foggiest. (Honorable mention to Katie Rubin for her “it states under the pic that it isn’t the actual couple.”) Whichever of you writes in to Frannie first gets the shirt.
Honorable Mention: Herpesfinder writes, in response to “Your Rude Coworker Is Giving You Social Herpes,”
“have herpes? you are not alone. There are millions of people all over the world who are currently living with herpes. joined this site HerpesFinder and meet other singles with herpes.”
Herpesfinder is, we are certain, not an actual person, and therefore does not deserve a shirt. But if HerpesFinder is real, and has a HerpesFinder shirt, we will trade him or her. Contact Frannie!