… make sure you stay as immobile as a Republican in a bathroom stall when a cop walks into the room.
Even if the waver looks like the above chesty dude.
For years, I’ve had a steadfast rule that people who beckon you over as if you were a dog don’t deserve any response whatsoever.
Their arrogance is usually an indication of something creepy they’re waving you over to say to you with such beady-eyed urgency.
If they had any common courtesy at all, they’d simply walk over to you, rather than summon you like a slave.
But I totally dropped my rule when I was out of town recently, in a bar where people are generally so friendly I thought it wouldn’t be a problem.
I had just co-hosted a gala film night in that neck of the woods and thought it had gone pretty well despite some mishaps, so I was in a beaming mood.
And when the man (a toad on a stool, by the way) frantically waved me over, I acquiesced.
I pushed my way toward his lumpy personage, then batted my eyes and said, “Yes?”
“That whole night tonight?” he intoned.
“Yes?” I cooed, still enthralled.
“The whole thing sucked shit,” he oozed, spitting tacks (and tactlessness).
I should have peed on his leg.