Earthquake In Virginia! Life Is Turning Into A Disaster Movie!


As if our nation’s capitol wasn’t hard-hit by enough anxiety, now comes a seismic whopper that shook things up in that region — and beyond — and has upset lives and stomachs.

Maybe everyone should just close their eyes and pretend it’s the 1974 all-star disaster movie Earthquake!

You know, the one with Charlton Heston, Lorne Greene, Ava Gardner (as Lorne’s daughter!), Marjoe Gortner (as a sex deviate), Richard Roundtree, Genevieve Bujold, Walter Matthau (as a dancing drunk), Victoria Principal (sporting an Afro!)…

Wait, I just started feeling worse.