What to do With Your Hurricane Rations


Assuming you heeded Mayor Bloomberg’s every word in regard to Hurricane Irene, you are probably sitting on top of 35 cases of Poland Spring water in a city-run shelter right now, pouring gasoline into a generator in order to power your computer. But being overly prepared isn’t a bad thing! That’s how wars are won, tests are aced, and procreation is avoided. Assuming you aren’t going to store all your hoarded supplies for the next mass weather scare, we have some ideas on what to do with it.

Donate your food
Do this! Use the Food Bank for Greater New York food program locator to find out where you can donate your extra cans of tuna, jars of peanut butter, and jugs of hurricane spaghetti. Instead of joking about it on Twitter, give your copious amounts of food to someone who needs it, storm or no storm.

Donate batteries for kids’ toys
So, you planned on using that flashlight for 72 hours but only ended up turning it on in order to find your hurricane Xanax when it rolled underneath the couch. What to do with all those extra batteries? When toys are donated to sick children in hospitals, they often require batteries. Contact the AARP, who runs a toy donation program, to find out how you can give away all those extra Irene Duracells: []

Recycle your window tape
When you hoard food, no one but the checkout guy at the bodega knows you overreacted. This is not the case for window tape. Besides not doing anything, it says to all your neighbors, “I am easily shaken and own tape.” Use a putty knife to remove the tape from your window and if it retains any stickiness, it can serve as a lint or cat hair remover for clothes. Looking fresh, jittery tape owner!

Take a bath
Your bathtub is already filled, dummy. Have a soak.

Have a party
You bought all that booze, optimistically invested in condoms — why not put them to use tonight and have a “Bon Voyage Irene” party? We’ll supply the tunes!