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The sad young literary people of New York have a new outlet for their forays into online dating: literary magazine n+1‘s new personals site, n+1 Personals. It’s everything you want it to be, and more. The ads are exquisitely, beautifully, perfectly insufferable in every way.
Here’s the very first ad, posted today:
So I might try to pretend that I’m just lonely but otherwise totally normal, but to be totally honest, I’m alone and posting here mostly through my own doing. I’m righteously bad at relationships, clingy and vain, yet utterly terrified of real closeness or intimacy, like seriously crazy. On top of that, I’m incredibly picky. I like to pretend that i’m not and that I’m totally cool with normal guys, but frankly, I probably will only sleep with you if you’re taller than 6’2″ and have a PhD. I’m just that shallow. The only thing that lends me any depth is the fear that people wouldn’t like me if they knew how cruel and judgmental I actually am. On the bright side though I am young and not hideous.
Here’s one from “The Romantic Existential Guy.” N.B. it’s not in readable English:
I am a man, of that I am sure, by gender at least, biologically at least, but is that right and how can I be so sure? Do the women who fascinate me not in some way subsume me, do they not live in my mind when no longer in direct proximity and in that way are they not unlike the stuff of fiction, those fancy teasing figments dappled on the page? And is there a woman, could there ever be a woman, just one, whose beauty would enthrall me, whose discernment would spark and instruct and embolden me into being the best man I can be?
This one is from “The Sweet Girl”:
Me: Mid-twenties, educated and well-read, sweet but a bit awkward, relatively easy on the eyes, loves independent/foreign films, reading, feminism, and attending intellectual events in cities with people like herself (i.e. book clubs, n+1 launch parties).
You: Older (at least late twenties to mid-to-late forties, but I will consider younger), similarly well-educated with a list of favorite books that does not include The Da Vinci Code, kind and accepting, enjoys good conversation, a decent movie, and a hearty meal. Please have your shit together. Am flexible on any of the above, but within reason.
If you think this describes you, contact me and we’ll maybe discuss the most up-and-coming literary journal. Or something.
If we were to make recommendations to any of the lonelyhearts looking for other sad/young/literary types on n+1 Personals, it would be to attend fewer intellectual events in cities with less people like themselves.
Our first thought was, is this real?