Artichoke’s Frozen Pizza Is ‘Pretty Damn Good. For a Frozen Pizza.’


Although we knew that Artichoke’s new 10-inch frozen artichoke and Margherita pizzas have an impressive number of fonts, we couldn’t begin to imagine how they taste. Fortunately, Adam Kuban at Slice has done the gentlemanly thing and put himself in the line of fire on behalf of morbidly curious pizza aficionados throughout the tristate area.

After purchasing six boxes of Artichoke’s pizza at a Long Island City Pathmark, Kuban took them home, put them in the oven, and ate. His conclusion? The signature spinach and artichoke pizza is “pretty damn good. For a frozen pizza.” Bonus points for the “real artichoke hearts,” though the pizza isn’t as “fresh or as gloriously gloopy” as the real thing. The Margherita, on the other hand, is beset by “plasticlike” mozzarella that “does not melt more than it does desiccate, and there’s no creaminess to it whatsoever.” Also, the Parmesan and Romano cheeses have a “faint metallic tinge.”

We can’t say any of this comes as a shock. What does, however, is the fact that a serving of the artichoke pizza contains 5 grams less fat than the Margherita. Given that we’ve always likened the experience of eating an artichoke slice to that of eating cellulite, we’re humbled by this information. And also grateful that this discovery was made by someone who isn’t us.