It’s a common dilemma of the booty club: You’re buzzing off the overpriced drinks, two-stepping with the opposite sex. The lighting is right and you’re getting closer and closer to each other… and then DJ Lack-of-Direction throws on some bullshit. You know, one of those songs that wack DJs use as crutches to hold up their mediocre-at-best sets.
The song being spun might not have been bad on first, second, or even 20th listen. But when you’ve heard it at every party you went to that week and it’s not even new, being subjected to it again can throw a monkey wrench in your flow. And then, to further kill the mood, cornballs start singing along in unison. “Here we go yo! Here we go yo! So what, so what, so what’s the scenario?!” Cool out, dude—we know you know the whole song by heart (though you mumble your way through most of Dinco D’s verse). We know every word, too, and have since it came out in 1991.
Buzzkills like this aren’t the patrons’ fault, though. I blame the DJ and his/her lack of crate digging, lethargic mixing, and desire to get cheap thrills out of the crowd. (The DJ’s probably the least intoxicated individual in the building, so it’s not like they can blame their predictable choices on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol like the rest of us partygoers.) Below, and just in time for the long weekend, a list of 10 songs that any DJ in the know should already have banned from their sets, and any DJ with sense should probably get to swapping out soon.
1. A Tribe Called Quest, “Scenario”
Who killed JFK? When is Christ coming back? What’s the scenario? These are all unanswered questions. Here’s mine: Who gives a fuck? As soon as the bassline starts I usually head for the door. Peace, see you later… later… later… Later alligator.
2. Black Sheep, “The Choice Is Yours”
I’m all about the right to choose, but I’m sure if most party people were given the choice they would bypass this to get with that, whatever “that” may be.
3. Montell Jordan, “This Is How We Do It”
This isn’t a wedding or a bar mitzvah, DJ Not Alert. So why are you playing the singalong crap? You trying to get an Electric Slide popping on the dance floor?
4. The Pharcyde, “Passin’ Me By”
If I have to hear every herb in the house rap along to Booty Brown’s opening lyrics one more time, the only lying they’re gonna do is on the floor with you, DJ Phony Touch.
5. Drake, anything off Thank Me Later
Played out to the point that it’s like dropping anything off Get Rich Or Die Tryin’ in 2004. Put that record in the back of your storage space with your grandmother’s cardigan and your boat shoes.
6. Journey, “Don’t Stop Believing”
This provided an unexpected twist at parties until every DJ started including this 1981 hit in their limited sets. Even when you’re trying to be different, you guys do it the same way.
7. Michael Jackson, “Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough”
This really pains me to say. This used to be my fave song back in the APT days. But we’re talking about the King of Pop, Holmes. I’m sure you can find a more refreshing cut from his catalog…
8. Michael Jackson, “Rock With You”
… except for this one. Play that other other other MJ song.
9. Bell Biv DeVoe, “Poison”
This was cool at 1992-themed parties the first few times. Now it’s just garbage. Play “Do Me” or, better yet, E.U.’s “Da Butt” followed by 2 Live Crew’s “I Wanna Rock.” Instant Animal House!
10. Common, “The Light”
I’m at the club, sun god. I’m not thinking about starting a life with some broad and then walking around in matching shirts. Common, go model some Sean John or Gap sports bra you thespian. And you, DJ Whoo Hid, keep that track on the mixtape you made for shorty I just left the club with.
Dishonorable Mentions: J-Kwon, “Tipsy”; Fat Joe, “Make It Rain.”