Remember that Oscar-winning foreign film Life Is Beautiful, in which Roberto Benigni tells his son that the Holocaust is a big carnival game, to make it go down a wittle easier?
So what would you tell a child today to make them feel better about certain glaring realities in the world?
How about …
*People who seem to be living in the streets are just waiting for their duplexes to be renovated.
*The Bachmanns don’t really exist. They’re evil pumpkins that appear whenever we breathe in too much air and get giddy. Click on the remote and they magically vanish!
*Sarah Palin doesn’t exist either. That’s just Tina Fey. Isn’t she a riot?
*Mitt Romney exists, but don’t worry. He can’t really get anywhere because he’s a Mormon.
*Reality shows are just holograms designed to make us feel better about ourselves.
And of course …
*When people yell “fag,” they’re actually just asking for a cigarette. But don’t give them one. That’s illegal!