Breaking: Teenagers Drink, Smoke Weed, Lie About It


A new study has found that only 10 percent of parents believe that their teenagers drink, and only five percent think that their kids smoke weed. For comparison’s sake, consider the fact that 52 percent of teenagers say they drink and 28 percent say they smoke weed.

In other words, science has found that teenagers lie to their parents. Revelatory enough in and of itself, but the New York Times ups the ante and asks real live teens about their drinking and drugging behavior in a blog post: “If You Drink or Use Drugs, Do Your Parents Know?”

They’ve opened up the comments section to kids. So far, there are nine responses, most of which are from very well brought-up young and sober-minded young men and women.

Guarana? Huh. Out of all the drugs you could have done a report on.


With kids like those, what’s so wrong with parents assuming their kids aren’t up to no good? The answer: because most kids are not like those. Or if they are, they’ll be moving out in a couple years and that will be the end of that.

So, if you’re one of the 95 percent of parents who are under the impression that your child is a clean and sober one, let Runnin’ Scared be the one to break it to you: chances are, your kid is in a sketchy older dude’s car right now lighting a joint. Sorry!