Film

Celebrities Should Not Be Allowed To Have Children

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My latest excoriation posing as a column vividly details the reasons why it should be against the law for anyone famous to procreate.

Nine times out of 10, this situation results in cruel and unusual punishment for a baby who will be alternately abandoned, used, abused, resented, and measured against the more successful parents.

But hey, the kids get to wear really nice clothes!

Anyway, please heed my words about the narcissists, closet cases, and other horrors who spawn for all the wrong reasons, then live to regret it.

And let’s all join hands and thank the gods of fate that our folks weren’t famous.

To quote myself, “If they were, I’d be deader than their forehead muscles.”