I Saw Abduction! Oy Vey!


A friend was desperate to see Abduction, despite it’s 5 percent rating on — or maybe because of it.

The Tuesday night showing at the Chelsea Clearview surprisingly turned out to be sold out, but he bought tickets from a scalper outside.

(And she was weirdly self-defeating, charging $10 for $13 tickets. This movie has clearly started a wave of anti-scalpers.)

Anyway, it starts well and ends OK, but the middle! As Lautner and gal pal run from the baddies while trying to sort out just who he is, I was wishing the scalper had downgraded the price even more.

Lautner is cute in a young-Elvis-meets-Animal Planet kind of way, but his acting is so somnambulent he makes Twilight look like a musical comedy by comparison.

And the dialogue!

“Who are you? Answer me! You killed my parents!”

“My parents were just murdered, and I think the people who did it are after me, too!”

Therapist Sigourney Weaver (who’s used to working with avatars): “There’ll be time for you to emotionally deal with all this, but right now you’ve got to get your shit together.”

And the immortal: “You’ve been looking for answers your whole life. You just didn’t know which questions to ask.”

I felt guilty almost falling asleep, but when I opened my eyes, Lautner looked half-conscious himself.

Congrats, Abduction. You’re the front-runner for the Razzies this year.

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