The Five Worst Foodie T-Shirts

5. Leaving aside the tautological fascination of this slogan, the wearer is obviously uttering an existential cry for help. And don’t forget the morbid fascination of the sauce — often used to simulate blood in cheap movies.

What began as high-minded and hedonistic has been invaded and nearly neutralized by every sort of hucksterism. I’m talking about Foodism. Where once it was home-baked cupcakes, carefully selected charcuterie, and innumerable trips to the farmers’ market, now it expresses itself in lame reality TV shows, cat food that purports to be Tuscan, and T-shirts sold in arcades at the amusement park and on beach boardwalks. Here are the worst food-themed T-shirts we’ve seen in the last few months.

4. This T’s got ‘tude to spare, and we defy you to explain exactly what it means. Here’s our intwerpretation: The wearer is clearly bipolar, changing mood in the middle of the sentence so abruptly, we’re set back on our heels, and what begins as an invitation to drink a cup of coffee with an old friend turns into a scream of denunciation. Once again labeling the wearer of this T-shirt as a lunatic.

3. Is the wearer admitting he’s ugly, or making fun of ugly people? Either way, what is the significance of 1893? Did someone just pull the date out of their posterior?

2. Forcing babies to make lame jokes verges on child abuse. And about her mother’s tits?

1. The Cat in the Hat looks more like the Grinch!

Next: Oh heck, here’s one more …

0. Even if you really referred to bacon as “bakey,” you wouldn’t want anyone to know.

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