New York

A Brilliant Way To Lose Weight


I’ve discovered two of them, actually.

For one thing, I’ve cut french fries from my diet.

Nowadays they come with everything, so I simply substitute a salad or just go without any side dish at all.

You’d be amazed at how the pounds fly off like messenger pigeons!

But the second way is even better.

Recently, I came home from the 99-cent store to find a bag of caramel candies in my bag.

I was horrified.

I’m not a big chocolate queen and don’t actually love caramels, favoring fruitier things like Dots, Jujubes, Spearmint Leaves, and Orange Slices.

In fact, I thought I had bagged some Gummi worms when I discovered the dread caramels in my stash.

But it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.

See, normally, I’d devour a full bag of candy every night, all of which would go right to my thunder thighs.

But I can barely bear to eat one little caramel, so that’s become my quota for the evening.

One caramel and I’ve had it — and that’s by sheer necessity, since there’s nothing else in the house.

Thank you, caramels. You’ll be in my cabinet forever.

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