New York

Halloween Is On A Monday This Year!


And that’s even more of a nightmare than the day is supposed to be!

It means that, after an entire weekend of dressing like Sarah Palin and scaring little children while untangling yourself from all the cheap faux spiderwebs from all those house parties you crashed in hopes of finding an apple without a razor blade in it, you then will be faced with Halloween.

On Monday, October 31, you will wake up in a pool of Day-Glo orange vomit with candy corn strewn through it and start all over again, getting all witchie-poo’d up and immersing yourself in crowds of roaming people who are creepy enough in their usual clothes, trying to scare up a good time by pretending to be the living dead for the fourth freakin’ night in a row.

And on Tuesday, you won’t be pretending anymore.

You’ll have to wake up, blowtorch the fake blood out from between your teeth, take the broomstick out of your ass, pick the circus peanuts from your crotch, dislodge the fangs from your ears, and crawl to work.

This is a nightmare!

Most Popular