There have been many times we wished we could be in two places at once, but it’s never felt as pressing as it will this weekend when the New York Comedy Festival hits theaters, lounges, and dusty basements across the city. Tonight, for instance, do we go to the 5th Annual Stand Up For Heroes with Ricky Gervais, Jon Stewart, and Bruce Springsteen, or to the Tribute to Mike DeStefano with Eugene Mirman and Colin Quinn? Tomorrow at 7:30, do we travel to midtown to see Wanda Sykes at Town Hall, or risk a nosebleed on the Upper West Side for Louis C.K.? And will we make it from either to the Lower East Side in time for Michael Ian Black at 9? And don’t even get us started on Saturday, with Sarah Silverman at BAM and Kathy Griffin at Carnegie Hall. It’s just cruel.

Wednesdays-Sundays, 7 p.m. Starts: Nov. 9. Continues through Nov. 13, 2011