Bad news, attention-starved women and vain men: That skimpy costume you’ve been planning for your big Halloween bash tonight isn’t going to work in this weather. “Slutty Henry Kissinger” might have been a good idea in early September, but now that a Class 3 Kill-Storm is pounding the Eastern Seaboard, you’re going to have to improvise. Remember, there’s nothing sexy about hypothermia.
Here are five blizzard-appropriate costume ideas that will keep you both warm and in the Halloween spirit:
What’s more fun than a rolled-up oriental rug leaning against a wall? Put a snorkel on and have a friend wrap you in a standard floor rug. The thick carpeting will keep you warm and the snorkel will keep you alive. Partygoers can pour your favorite drink down the breathing tube and when you become inebriated and fall down, you can say it’s all part of your costume.
All you need is a thick, colorful sweater and a handful of hilarious yet touching anecdotes in order to pull off the Bill Cosby. Jell-O Pudding will earn you bonus points.
PETA Protest Victim:
Put on a fur coat and have someone throw red paint all over you. Nothing is warmer than fur, and the costume will be making a statement about people making a statement–Meta things are really popular amongst kids nowadays.
Scuba Ben Braddock from The Graduate:
A timeless movie inspires a timeless costume. Wear a full scuba suit to relive Dustin Hoffman’s portrayal of late-sixties existential angst. The wetsuit will keep you dry throughout this evening’s blizzard and make you the hit of any soiree.
The Gorton’s Fisherman:
If you’re a chick, it quickly becomes the Morton’s Salt Girl. Piece of cake.