News & Politics

Petition Demands ‘Vapid, Condescending’ Response From White House


Lot of great White House petitions lately. First, the one demanding that the government “formally acknowledge an extraterrestrial presence engaging the human race” (the government refuses to do so); and now, a petition calling for a “vapid, condescending, meaningless, politically safe response” from the White House.

The new petition already has almost 6,500 signatures:

We demand a vapid, condescending, meaningless, politically safe response to this petition.

Since these petitions are ignored apart from an occasional patronizing and inane political statement amounting to nothing more than a condescending pat on the head, we the signers would enjoy having the illusion of success. Since no other outcome to this process seems possible, we demand that the White House immediately assign a junior staffer to compose a tame and vapid response to this petition, and never attempt to take any meaningful action on this or any other issue. We would also like a cookie.

(A fun thing to do: scroll through the names of people who’ve signed. It’s literally all dudes. It only follows logically that this is on Reddit.)

Will the White House capitulate to the peoples’ demands?


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