Wild turkeys are no laughing matter, as one local news reporter found out the hard way earlier this year. Well, it’s turkey time again, and they’re encroaching closer. And closer. Wild turkeys have been a problem on Staten Island for a while now, and there have been numerous discussions on what to do to keep them in check and/or do away with them (cooking them, for instance, has been suggested). Some want to save them. And this year, it seems, they are more terrifying than ever. They are next level wild turkeys.
In horror-movie-esque phrasing, the Daily News quotes one guy:
“I’m scared. The turkeys keep coming and coming and coming. They never stop,” said Suloa Perasevic, 37, of Ocean Breeze.
“The turkeys are bigger than my children, and they aren’t afraid of people or even cars,” he said.
The Staten Island turkeys, which have been compared to a “neighborhood gang” — DEC estimates the turkey pop. in the neighborhood to be about a hundred; residents say it could be thousands — were not dissuaded by a sonar machine that Perasevic bought to scare them, either. While the Department of Environmental Conservation has not commented on the matter, Staten Islanders are going vigilante, particularly around Thanksgiving, the perfect holiday for luring a turkey into your car and going home to cook and eat it.
“They are turkeys. It’s Thanksgiving. They should look out or they will become someone’s dinner,” said Russo.
The question is, are the turkeys reading the Daily News? How will they know any of this?
In terms of turkey-terror videos, this one is amusing, when it’s not you:
Note: the fear of turkeys is “meleagrisphobia.” Use it in a sentence today. While you still can.