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What I Have To Be Thankful For


I’m alive.

I don’t have allergies to anything edible.

Some of my old outfits are coming back in style.

I just found some change in the couch.

Celebrity gossip has gotten un-boring again.

I’m getting the Pauline Kael book for my birthday.

I stopped drinking diet soda.

Jack’s 99-cent store just got a stash of gourmet vegetable medleys.

The Republicans are really fucking up.

I’ve finally gotten used to wearing 3-D glasses.

I don’t lose gloves as often as I used to.

I was right when I said the Golden Globes weren’t really mad at Ricky Gervais. That was all PR baloney. He’s back. I like being right.

My sink was fixed.

I just got an uncut copy of Born Innocent with Linda Blair.

I can be openly gay next time I’m in the military.

I’ve trained everyone around me to treat me like gold.

And I have you, dear readers!

Thank YOU, kittens, for bringing your arsenal of witty repartee here every day, and have a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with gratitude and dead poultry.

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