Here’s our lesson in phone etiquette today. If you’re looking for Santa, even if you need to speak to him rather desperately, don’t call 911 to reach him. Don’t call 311, either — he’s not there. Your best bet for reaching Santa is to do it the old-fashioned way: Write him a letter and wait for it to reach the North Pole, but never really know if it does or not. Get a sweater or some socks instead of what you actually wanted for Christmas, and think that maybe he got the letter and ignored you, or maybe he didn’t get the letter at all. Eventually stop believing in Santa entirely, and just buy yourself whatever you really want using your charge cards, which you’ll probably never pay off, considering this economy.
Two kids in upstate New York learned this lesson, or some semblance of it, when they called 911 on Sunday morning and asked for “the police chief or Santa Claus.” Alas, it was not clear what the four- and six-year-old wanted to talk to Santa about, but what does any kid want to talk to Santa about? Insurance, probably.
Santa was not there, however, so the police chief sent some officers to the kids’ home, and they delivered a handy instructional lesson on using 911.
Merry Christmas, kiddos! It’s better you learn this lesson early — you have your whole lives ahead of you! SANTA IS A COP. And he screens your calls.