Grab a knife and … spread it on your hair!
We live in a strange age, when not only do we need to feed our stomachs, we need to feed other parts of the body as well. But while “feeding” your hair is usually just a metaphor, here it’s been taken to literal levels. And we think this would make a great foodie stocking stuffer, if only as a gag.
Can you put hair mayo on your bread and make a sandwich? Better not try it! (We did taste it, despite a warning label “For External Use Only,” and it was awful.)
When the fad started, there really were people putting actual Hellmann’s on their hair. As you can imagine, it generated a rich shine (it’s mainly grease, after all), but caused the person using it to be followed by crowds of dogs and French people.
Later, cynical cosmetological researchers found a way to debase the food product into a mere mix of the usual chemicals. Though it still looks and feels like mayonnaise. Well, really gross mayonnaise like the kind that has been sitting on the table at the diner in an open dish for about two months. You know, crusty on top.
Well, as a gift idea for Xmas, it can’t be beat, and you can imagine the guffaws all around the decorated tree. Find it at Ricky’s in the East Village and elsewhere.
112 First Avenue
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on December 6, 2011