Upset that your last one-night stand gave you absolutely nothing, except a dash of insecurity, a sprig of morning awkwardness, and fortunately unmerited concerns over a possible STD (safe sex, people!)? Set your sights on Derek Jeter, who not only is ever so athletic and handsome, but also, should you choose to bed him, will leave you with a veritable Harry and David basket of goodies, including autographed memorabilia, “usually a signed baseball,” but possibly other delights you will be sure to put to use at some point down the road when the memory of his touch has faded. Maybe you can even sell them on eBay for a hefty profit!
Oddly, the Post reports this as if it is a bad thing. When was the last time the Post gave anyone a signed baseball?
Yankee star Derek Jeter, one of New York’s most eligible hunks since his split with longtime gal pal Minka Kelly, is bedding a bevy of beauties in his Trump World Tower bachelor pad — and then coldly sending them home alone with gift baskets of autographed memorabilia.
The Yank captain’s wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am kiss-offs came to light when he mistakenly pulled the stunt twice on the same woman — forgetting she had been an earlier conquest, a pal told The Post.
Reading between the lines, this means she got a gift basket twice! Lucky girl.
Jeter also reportedly gets his ladies a car to take them home the next day, and, true to the name gentleman, sends them through the back door of Trump World Tower so as to help them avoid awkward interactions with the paps. Sweetie.
If you don’t go home with at least a legal pad or bag of toothbrushes after your next one-night stand, ladies, you don’t even deserve to complain. #Jeterswag.
Jeter’s booty hauls [NYP]
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on December 13, 2011