Your sizzling date with this dream man will start with some mutual touching in the model-train room. Isn’t that what you’ve always fantasized about? No?
That’s followed by some hot action where you stomp about the room like a monster, but please don’t break the trains and buildings. “They are my sons,” he warns.
“We can do this until 4 a.m.,” adds the guy, “or until we get tired.”
Oh, please! Kicking model trains with this guy sounds like so much amazing fun I’m sure any date would want to do it till the break of dawn three days later!!
And that’s not the end of it, either.
The dreamboat offers “lots of imitation crab meat in my freezer that I need to get rid of.”
Sounds so delicious and sexy, no? And it feels so good to help someone dispose of his fake food supply.
But it turns out it’s all too good to be true. Here’s the deal breaker.
“I’m not gay,” the choo-choo man specifies as willies deflate all over the country.
I know! A gay would have real crab meat.
Thanks to La Daily Musto regular Jack E. Jett for the tip-off.
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on December 14, 2011