Dorkiest Christmas Song of All Time From the Fast Food Rockers


Fast Food Rockers were an invented British group of nearly a decade ago, with two girl singers, a boy singer, and a scary blue hound with a yellow star over one eye called Hotdog. The group members behave as if they’re shooting soft-core porn, and the presence of a plushie only adds to that impression. Best line: “I’ll jump into Santa’s sack / Just waiting to be unwrapped.”

The group scored a giant hit with “Fast Food Song” (highest position: No. 2 on the U.K. singles chart), an inane number that mainly just name-checked fast-food franchises in the most brain-dead way imaginable. See how much of it you can stand to listen to. Here’s the Wikipedia article if you’re curious about this footnote to rock history. And here’s their big hit:

Male member Martin Rycroft became a bartender after the band broke up in 2004. Two years later, he was featured in a reality show called Boys Will Be Girls, in which an all-male group decides to pose as girls in a band called the Honeytraps. (You can’t make this sort of thing up.)

The Honeytraps’ biggest hit was a cover of A Flock of Seagulls’ “Wishing (I Had a Photograph of You).” A clip from the TV series featuring the song is shown below. See if you can pick out Rycroft. Note that the “band” doesn’t even bother to pretend playing their instruments.

In 2008, Rycroft apparently emigrated to the United States, and he may be walking among us now.