I’ll never forget it, people.
I woke up to a stack of gifts, all beautifully wrapped, my heart racing with glee as I ripped open each one.
There were gorgeous, silky, patterned gowns!
Shimmery drop earrings!
Sizzling hot high heels!
“We know this is what you really wanted,” said Pops, beaming.
“So we wrote a letter to Santa,” interjected Moms, winking, “and he raided the best floors of Bloomingdale’s and flew all this stuff over here just for you.”
I hugged the folks so tight I thought my face would explode — but there was no time for that.
Dad had rented a chauffered stretch limousine for the three of us to have a sumptuous dinner in a private tent set up just for us in Central Park, where a 21-piece orchestra played whatever symphonies we requested!
(I didn’t know any, so they just played Motown tunes.)
That was followed by a horse-and-buggy ride over to see Barbra Streisand on Broadway in Funny Girl! Barbra was in top form, and that night she added five extra songs!
It was so incredible, and during intermission, the folks urged me to change into one of my glamorous gowns.
By curtain time, people were begging me for my autograph.
And then we went out desserting at Sardi’s, where they were so captivated by my outfit they named a cheesecake after me! The Mikey Musto Mouthful!
And fabulously enough, Barbra was there, thanking me for spiffing up her show that night — especially in Act II — and insisting I eventually become close with the son she was going to give birth to in four days!
(She wasn’t kidding.)
Two days later, I received a blank check in the mail from Barbra! It said, “Write in any amount you like — and enjoy!”
I left her penniless.
I don’t know how Dad pulled all this off on a TV repairman’s salary, but however he did it, I ended up crying myself to sleep with joy that night, shaking with gratitude over my amazing fate.
Still, I morbidly wondered, “How can I ever top this?”
Well, two years later, we saw Funny Girl the movie! And Barbra and Jason came with! (I paid for the cabs.)
True to Barbra’s wishes, Jason has indeed become my closest friend of all time.
Number two? His mom.
None of this actually happened, but it’s how I remember it.
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on December 19, 2011