*A toast to Marcus Bachmann: “Bottoms up!”
*Lindsay Lohan living behind bars instead of dancing on top of them.
*Mothers who keep tiaras off their toddlers.
*Comedy Central obtaining rights to broadcast all future Republican debates.
*A new man for Demi Moore who doesn’t cheat or tweet.
*The hope that Rebecca Black is just a one-hit wonder.
*President Bill Maher
*An Alexander McQueen skull clutch.
*A new Arnold Schwarzenegger action flick: The Sperminator.
*A Harvey Milkshake for Governor Cuomo.
*A new Twitter handle for Osama bin laden — @thebottomofthesea.
*A Broadway theater named after Matt Stone and Trey Parker.
*Me no longer cribbing off Carolines Comedy Club holiday cards (which all the above items were borrowed from).